Harry Potter’s Crimes: Hermione: The Philosopher’s Stone

It’s been over a year since I did one of these so I am going to try my best to try to do one every few weeks. This is just a bit of fun. It does contain spoilers so do not read if you have not read the first book in the Harry Potter series.

Judge: Please take the stand Miss Granger. You are here to account for your crimes during your first year of Hogwarts. Growing up in our muggle world as you witches call it, you should know the consequences of your actions.

Hermione: Yes Your Honour.

Judge: Although I cannot send you away for your crimes committed on magical ground, I can state all your crimes to show what you are really like.

Hermione squares her shoulders ready for whatever was to come.

Judge: Your first crime was the attempted assault and attempted arson on Professor Snape in the Quidditch grounds. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Hermione: In my defense, I thought that Snape was casting a spell to through Harry off his broom to his death. Especially since when Snape broke eye contact, which essential for casting a spell on someone, the spell broke and Harry was able to get back on his broom.

Judge: You are claiming you cast the fire spell on Professor Snape’s robes in defense of your friend?

Hermione: Yes, Your Honour.

Judge: And what about the spell that rendered your so-called friend Neville Longbottom immobile, that you cast on him later that year so you and your friends could sneak out.

Hermione: Well yes, that is a little harder to explain, we were worried that Snape was trying to get the philosopher’s stone, which makes you immortal and we could not let that happen.

Judge: Why not go to a teacher, you were only twelve at the time, how could you stand up to a full grown wizard?

Hermione: We tried but none would listen to us, and Professor Dumbledore was away on important business. We though we were doing the right thing at the time.

Judge: Hmm, that maybe so, but you still broke many school rules and attacked a fellow student. That is enough for today. Court is adjourned.

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The Dursleys: Philosopher’s Stone

I do not own to the rights to these characters, this is meant as a bit of fun. I know I said I would start this about a month ago, it took longer to start than I thought it would. I have decided to posts on what charges the characters of Harry Potter would face if they went to our courts.

Judge: Mr Vernon Dursley and Mrs Petunia Dursley. This is a preliminary hearing for offenses carried out by you both against one Mr Harry Potter. Today we are only concerned with crimes committed during his first year at school.

Vernon: Turning red. We gave him a home and food out the kindness of our hearts, we even gave him clothes, he is our … chokes on the word … family.

Judge: Raising voice. You are charged with child abuse on Mr Harry Potter for making him sleep under the stairs for eleven years and only giving him a bedroom when Mr Dumbledore found out where he was sleeping. You even locked him in his so-called room under the stairs at times and did not give him dinner. What do you say to these charges?

Petunia: Paled and let out a loud gasp at the allegations.

Vernon: Somehow managed to get redder, almost purple now. It was a roof over his head, we did not ask for him to live with us, we did the best we could with such a boy. He is a menace.

Judge: You are also accused of a abandoning your nephew , Mr Potter, at a busy railway station, King’s Cross, when you were sure he did not have a way to get to his school, when he was just eleven years old.

Vernon: His school and of his and their ways, they would make sure he got there. Lowering his voice. We just expected him to have to wait a few hours, what’s wrong with that?

Hagrid: Jumps up from the viewing gallery. What’s wrong wi’ that? What’s wrong wi’ that? Dursley ye prune. It’s jus’ as well he bumped into into one of our folk, who showed him how to get into the platform.

Judge: Settle down. Not believing the size of Hagrid. Turning back to the Dursleys. Do you deny you made Mr Potter under the stairs?

Vernon: No but..

Judge: Raising his voice to be heard over Vernon’s spluttering. Do you deny that you left your nephew on a crowded platform, lost at age eleven, to fend for himself?

Vernon: No but…

Judge: Since we have evidence from Mr Potter and these are special circumstances. Mr Potter does not want any charges brought, we feel you still need to do something. The people at Hogwarts school, say you can do community service there each weekend for three months, to clean up after a … er… recent disturbance.

Vernon: Looked flabbergasted muttering “Go there? Go there?”

Petunia: Turned ghostly pale and looked close to fainting.

Hagrid: Turning to Harry. We will show ’em what hard work is.

Judge: Court adjourned for today.

Want to read more crimes for the Harry Potter world? Look out for more in the coming weeks from characters like Hargrid and Harry, who will be sentenced soon.

 

Harry Potter’s Crimes: Introductory Post

I have been thinking of doing a new post for a while, and I wanted to do something I am passionate about and hopefully other people will enjoy reading. Something I know well, Harry Potter is an obvious choice, maybe people are getting sick of it, but I am not and I hope I am bringing something new and engaging.

So what if after the big battle at Hogwarts Harry and his friends were arrested and charged with the crimes they committed but were not punished for. What crimes would they get charged with and what defense would they have if any? I personally think it’s an interesting thought. It is all meant as a bit of fun, as I said before I love everything about Harry Potter, so in no way is this making fun of the series.

A few years ago, one of my best friends and I were studying for a law exam and whilst trying to learn the terms we used Harry Potter references to learn them. It was a good laugh and it helped us learn. A few days ago I was thinking about this, so I thought why not do it as a blog post, show it to the people who would appreciate it the most.

Here are some examples of the kind of thing that will be discussed.

• The Murder of Voldemort, could Harry claim self-defense? But he had been planning to kill Voldemort for at least 6 years, so was it premeditated, making self-defense not a viable defense.
• Bank Robbery, breaking into Gringotts and stealing the cup and the dragon.
• Murder of Professor Quirrell, could he claim self-defense? Or even that there’s no proof since there is no body left?
• Kidnapping of the Goblin in Gringotts (okay they put him under the Imperius curse, but they still took him against his will).
• Torturing Bellatrix Lestrange, after she kills Sirius Black, once again through a curse but it’s still torture.

I do not plan to do this on any particular day, or with a certain interval in between but at least once a week, but if I am feeling inspired it might happen every day. I am going to read through each book and find every crime I can leaving no stone un turned, no matter how small it is. I will also be focusing on all the good characters, so no death eaters or Voldemort, their crimes are obvious. I will start on book one and see how it goes.

Does this seem like something you would like to read? Is there any crime that you find funny or interesting or would just like to discuss? Please leave a comment, I am interested for any input and feedback you may have on this.

Happy reading

Emma